Queer Fresno

So, I’m from LA. I moved here about 9 months ago, and let me tell you, it’s been a roller coaster. I moved here for a total Uhaul relationship (I know, I know) which ended, well…not so well. So, I decided to revive the lost and ancient art of Lesbian Dating. However, I’ve realized that dating in Fresno is a much different monster than dating in Los Angeles.

First of all, let me just say this one thing about women in Fresno: They put all their issues out there. I mean, immediately. In LA, all the women know what it takes to be in the industry. That is, they all know how to lie…really well. So, you can be dating a woman for three months, and have no idea that she is mentally insane. Here, however, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had the following uttered to me on a first date, usually within the first ten minutes:

1. I’m still in love/involved with/having sexual relations with my ex. [This inevitably leads to them talking about their ex, ad infinitum, until I feel like I should be on a date with their ex because I know so much about her.]
2. I don’t have a job, and I haven’t had one for months. You’ve got the check, right?
3. I’m 34 and still live with my parents. Oh, and they don’t know I’m gay.
4. I’ve had some serious childhood issues, so I’m not comfortable being affectionate. At all. Ever.
5. My goal in life is to drink as much as I can get my hands on. Are you going to finish that?

I guess that could be construed as a good thing. I mean, at least you know what you’re up against right from the beginning, right? But it leaves me yearning for the days when I could go out with a woman and at least look forward to some decent conversation. Now, however, I just ask for extra ice in my drinks so I can have something to drown out the sound of my date’s voice.

Which brings me to something else I’ve noticed about women in Fresno! They looooove to dominate the conversation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been talking to a woman, either on the phone, or in person, and I haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise. Let me tell you, it’s not because I don’t try. I have the biggest mouth of anyone I know. I went on a date with one woman, and she talked about her entire life history for 40 minutes, seemingly in one breath, and then looked me dead in the eye when she was done and said, “So, I don’t really have anything else to say.” Wow, really? Yeah, don’t worry about me, apparently I don’t either.

So, reviving Lesbian Dating in Fresno? Not really going so well.